the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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