i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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