I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
