Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
