Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
