my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
