you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
