I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
