I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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