I cannot find my penis.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
