glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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