you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
