You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your penis caused this!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
