he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I love having hate sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
