I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize