Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
