I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
