You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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