Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
