Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
being pregnant is like rehab
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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