Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my liver is dry heaving
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
