So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
