I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
