then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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