dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
