Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
