YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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