this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
