If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
