I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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