ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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