Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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