so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
