So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
