It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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