They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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