I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
