I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
