And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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