Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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