New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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