I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize