Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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