Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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