I cockslap morals
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
