Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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