Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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