I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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