my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
