6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
