I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize