she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
