bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't deserve a penis
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I want is dick and wine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
