I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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