never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
