I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
