Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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