I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
