we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize