Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
