Cold hands, warm shart.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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