a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize