Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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