this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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