I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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