Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
