I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
