Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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