I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
