i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
