Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
