conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
