nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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