I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
