i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
