it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
