he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
