I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
