I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
