I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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